In fact, I had my life all mapped out, including my “must achieve to do life right,” and spirituality was nowhere on my list. I believed that to be recognized and rewarded for doing my life right, I needed to do everything, have tons of stuff, and be, well, perfect. Not spiritual!
Believe me, I had it all figured out, and I was diligently checking things off my long To Do list: A husband, 3 kids, money, inside dog, outside cat, house in the burbs, vacation home, SUV, money, career, lots of friends, I was hot & skinny, a member of the PTA, USTA tennis player, room-mom at my kids’ schools, and on the neighborhood HOA, just to name a few of my overachieving antics…whew!
In the fall of 2002, my perfect life began to spiral out of my control. First, my mom died, then my teenage daughter started contemplating suicide, my marriage was on the rocks, my best friends abandoned me, my career changed, our money vanished when the real estate market crashed, and well, my to-do list wasn’t getting done. Grieving the “death” of many of the important things I had achieved was sucking the life out of me. And I felt helpless, hopeless, desperate and depressed…not my idea of perfect! Ouch!
Little did I know, God was dragging me, skinny-ass and all, into what is known as the Dark Night of the Soul, where I had to face my inner demons. At the end of the five darkest years of my life, I faced my ego, diligently embraced my shadows, got the power of projections, understood my co-dependency and attachments, became aware of my identities, sifted through my beliefs, and prayed for God to have mercy on my soul. I became aware that the only reason I was suffering was because I believed I wasn’t living up to who I “thought” the world expected me to be. I discovered I was living my life in total fear of doing it wrong, which meant—thanks to my Christian upbringing—that I was destined to receive a one-way ticket to that hot destination we call hell…Talk about living in a pressure cooker!
I + God = One Love! Nothing needed to be added, tucked, nipped, surgically removed, acquired, or changed about me.
I am as God created me: perfect, whole, and accomplished.
A profound encounter with God, in August 2007, left me 100% committed to live my life from the Truth I awakened to. It seemed quite simple that if I am love, then all I must do is just be loving, right? Well, it wasn’t quite so easy.
You see, the previous 5 years, I was becoming aware of my dark, fear-based side, and all the beliefs that supported my human-ego’s structure.
Now that I experienced, first hand, my light and loving side, I had to choose, situation by situation, which side of me was going to show up.
Believe me, knowing I am Love and being Loving—always—are two completely different animals!
My work is simply this: to help you become aware that you have two sides. There is the innate you, the whole and complete expression of the very Love that created you, which is fully endowed with all the knowing and beliefs that support your Truth, and is often called our Soul or Spirit. This side of you is fulfilled when you express your innate gifts, for in sharing them with the world your authentic, creative, and peaceful self— your Spirit—is free to be: YOU! You experience the strength of this Truth by fully knowing that nothing, and no one, need ever validate or complete you. This side of you is Loving, and rests in a state of pure joy and peace that is indescribable. This side of you knows and trusts your oneness with God and with your fellow human beings.
Then, there is your other side, which we call our human-ego, and it’s made up of beliefs you learned as you innocently became conditioned to seek approval from the outside world. The ego operates as a protective mask/facade, which acts as a cover/shield/veil over your Authentic Self. This “disconnect” from your God Self keeps you from remembering your Truth, by driving you to seek for more, more, more, outside of you–in the world–to complete you, make you feel good, feel loved, and feel worthy.
The human-ego side of you perpetuates the illusion that you are just a finite, vulnerable, separate self, among the billions of separate bodies that inhabit this planet. But don’t despair because the good news is that this side of you can be unlearned and transcended with your commitment and willingness to shift your beliefs. And yes, I’ll teach you to Shift your beliefs & Lift your vibration so you can free you Spirit!
As a mother of three young adults, a wife, (yes, I gave it another whirl, and then we divorced 4 short years later, in 2014…oh well!) a friend, sister, cook, gardener, and an all-around lover of life, I know firsthand, that all the obstacles that stand in the way of being your True Authentic Self can be easily seen and transcended, once we shine the light of awareness on them. Everyday life is the perfect setting for us to practice expressing Love or hiding behind the suffocating mask of Fear.
My biggest test, to see how awake I really was, came when my then 14-year-old son decided to take me on a 4-year drug adventure! Not only was I making the choice to stand as the Presence of True unconditional Love for him, but at the same damn time my brand-new marriage began to fall apart…Talk about standing at the intersection of Love & Fear!
I was not afraid for my son’s life, as God had shown me the eternalness of all life. Although I did experience fear, many times, but by then I knew it was only in my mind, so Shifting from fear and Lifting into Love was rather easy. With my new hubby, though, that was a different story. I was crazy in love with him from the moment I met him, and as my son needed me to walk the drug journey beside him, my relationship with Ken became very strained.
To be present for Spencer, and my middle son, Tony, who was struggling in high school, I minimized my coaching sessions. And since I had already closed my center, shrtly before I married Ken, I wasn’t offering many workshops. Believe me, since I wasn’t afraid of my son dying I certainly wasn’t afraid of Ken leaving. But I did become aware that the fear I was experiencing with Ken was due to money.
How the hell was I supposed to be available for my child, while my main source of income was a husband that wasn’t happy about providing room and board for my kids? Talk about the perfect opportunity to watch my ego find a source of fear I had never seen: money. Thanks to Ken, and our divorce, I got to see that having money, albeit his, did not add one ounce of security, or even joy when it became more important than love!
I am clearly not your conventional spiritual teacher, but I can assure you, I know Truth. I am interested in one thing—and one thing only—and that is to be an example of what is possible, when one truly commits to navigating the path of transcendence and awakening.
I desire to serve as an example that who you truly are already exists fully accomplished within you. You do not need to learn who you innately are; you simply need to become aware of how you forgot your True and Authentic Divinity, in the first place, when you entered the human-ego’s trance. Seriously, remembering who we are is what the Spiritual Journey is about!
Am I offering Love 100% of the time? Of course, not, but I am willing and committed to being the Love that I Am, by choosing it over, and over, and over again!
My awareness that I Am Love allows me to choose to release fear-based thoughts quickly, and as I easily shift from judgment to forgiveness, from separation to oneness, and from comparison to compassion. As you might imagine, bliss is experienced through only one of these choices.
Awakening was simple because God did that for me. Staying awake, on the other hand, is not so easy because that choice is completely up to me. Yet for me, with diligent practice and unwavering commitment that choice comes down to what do I prefer to experience: Love or fear? Do I want to live in heaven or in hell? Do I want to feel good or bad? The choice is simple, now, because I have experienced both sides. And becoming aware that what I believe generates my experience of reality is the Truth that has set me free. Really!
Awakening is simply this: instead of living for the approval of others, I choose to live as if there are no “others,” because we are One! Yes, this is a Divine paradox. Oh, Yeah!
If my story, my style and my passion for sharing Truth resonate with you, please allow me the privilege of being your guide on the most incredible journey of our life…the Journey to Awaken our Magnificence!
I do what I do to share the Truth I am remembering. Nothing has multiplied my joy more than witnessing, those whose lives have been impacted by my work, who are either sharing love and compassion with their family and friends, or those who have become amazing spiritual teachers and healers, some who even traveled the world expanding the awareness of many on this planet. I feel like a proud spiritual mama, receiving infinite joy as I share the message that we are love! I truly give because what I receive is the divine nectar of life!
I promise I will guide you in a fun, gentle, and yet powerful way, to remember and awaken your True Authentic and Deliciously Magnificent Self. And the only thing you need do is desire the happiness that Truth offers, more than anything else in the world, especially more than being right!
Truly, this is what I do! I know, I know, I have the world’s best job, and I love it!
If I can Trance-end my human-ego and awaken, then anybody can…woo-hoo!
We are magnificent…yes we are!