Yes, surrender is our friend, but not until we deliberately decide it’s not our foe!

This crazy-ass spiritual ride we are all on, whether we realize it or not, is moving us closer and closer toward total liberation—ultimate freedom! This means that everything that tethered us to an outdated sense of self must be exposed and let go of so we can free ourselves of “how things should be.”
Because who we REALLY are is too BIG, HUGE, GINORMOUS for the small and limited perception we have of ourselves.

Surrender is simple, although not easy. And I can assure you that “simple” makes no sense when we are committed to being righteous. Surrendering is only difficult when we resist releasing a person, situation or circumstance of the responsibility of making us happy, safe or important. Yet, the upside to surrendering is simply allowing ourselves to just go with the natural flow of life. Imagine rafting down a river and fighting to make the raft go in the opposite direction. This is the futility of resistance.  Not only do we fail in our attempts to change what’s happening, but we also exhaust ourselves in the process. By resigning my position as The Boss of the Universe, I opened my hands (by letting go of the oars) and became ready to receive Source/Spirit/God/Creator’s support.

When we surrender to life exactly as it is in this moment, things begin to change. Surrendering our own will opens up choices and options that were previously hidden from our sight. After all the life changes, I experienced over the past few years, I found myself at the lowest financial level I had ever experienced. Resistance, for me, looked like saying “no.” Yet, thanks to my commitment to total liberation, from my whinny ego, the moments spent in fear about money, although few, were still present.

Surrender is practically my middle name. I surrendered when my youngest son was heavily into drugs. I surrendered when my recent was-band (the man that was my husband) asked for a divorce. I surrendered my home, lifestyle, and most possessions. All of that seemed rather easy to do. But surrendering to fully receive from Ken, well, this one was more challenging because I had to face an old ingrained belief, I didn’t even know I had.

I came from a very wealthy family. My grandparents were among the wealthiest families in the Dominican Republic, where I grew up. Money was never an issue. Ever!
Although I didn’t inherit any of their wealth, I had never experienced fear about money until my last marriage. As I became curious about the beliefs that held those fears in place, I became aware of something my mother confided in me when I was a teenager. She said her parents used money to get her to do what theywanted. They basically bribed her to get their way, and she felt trapped.

With this awareness, I noticed the ways I would resist receiving money, gifts, or anything that I felt required me to compromise my freedom, in other words: feel trapped, as mom had. It was rather interesting observing the dance of resistance I was experiencing, which was nothing more than passive aggressive manipulation. But I only did this with Ken. Although we did get divorced three years ago, we remained a “couple,” albeit rather unconventionally. He has been very generous and has helped me get back on my financial feet. Yet, there were times I felt he was only doing so to not loose me. You got it: I felt like my mom—bribed.

Determined to get to the bottom of my resistance, I sat with the uncomfortable thoughts and yucky emotions I was swimming in:

  • I’m a failure.
  • I don’t deserve this.
  • Who does he think he is?
  • I’ll never sell my Soul.
  • Oh shit, I just sold my Soul!
  • I’m stuck with him.
  • What have I done with my life?
  • I’m a fraud.
  • I rather do without than accept his bribe.

Because awakening is the active process of questioning the validity of all the beliefs we hold, I knew exactly how to equip myself for the task: lake, journal, purple pen and a margarita. Hey, Spirit is in everything!

After many contemplative sessions, I always arrived at the same place: why am I resisting God/Spirit’s benevolence? So, what if assistance is coming through a point of consciousness called Ken? Who cares that we are divorced? Who cares what my mom thinks? Life is supporting me, because Life Is all that is ever happening!

I know my thoughts create my perceived reality, so why am I blocking any abundance from flowing my way? The answer was clear, but not loud: “Surrender completely, and trust everything is supporting you, my beloved child. You are loved unconditionally and for this reason, you are cared for in ways too infinite to number. Relax and receive…more is on its way, if you allow it.”

Gulp…But I don’t want it to come from “him,” I informed God. Why? Because he… “wah, wah, wah” my ego whined. I sat there and just loved myself for being transparent, albeit temporarily insane. And then I had a mild “MoonStruck” moment: Snap out of it! I Shifted and Lifted my thoughts from fear to joy, and from I’m being controlled to I’m being supported. I joyfully accept this and am eager for more!

Seriously, the day comes on this amazing journey when we no longer wish to decide what is best for us—or others—how things should be, or who can give to us. The day comes that surrendering means 100% trusting the benevolence of this Universe to meet all needs, somehow, somewhere, someway. And so, it has.

Here are a few great examples of the power of surrendering to Source/God during this past year:

  1. I let go of my apartment to direct my resources toward funding The Awareness Academy and helping Spencer through his last two years in college. The day I mentioned I needed a place to live and was looking for something that didn’t cost me anything, one of my clients offered me her basement in-law-suite…and it’s sweet!
  2. One of the lovely attendants of my A Course In Miracles class gave me a $1,000 check…just because!
  3. Two of my clients, independent of one another, offered me very generous loans to help with the launch of The Awareness Academy.
  4. When the transmission in Spencer’s car needed to be replaced, the same week Lauren got married, a friend co-signed a loan for me so I could make monthly payments that fit my budget.
  5. The list of miracles goes on!

If we are open to whatever comes, more can show up because we are open and not justifying self-righteous resistance, which always comes from our ego’s small sense of self. Now, I absolutely know I’m worthy of anything I desire, and it doesn’t have to show up in a certain way. I trust that whatever it is I need will show up at the right time, and in the right and perfect way. Anything other than allowance is manipulation. I’ve been there, done that, and it’s not fun or easy. Besides, when we are flowing with Life/Creator, whatever is meant to be will be. Our job is to allow it, or let our ego resist it.  We are always in control of the ease or lack of ease we experience in Life!

Take some time this week and become aware of what or whom you’re resisting in life. It could be an object, a person, God, or a particular circumstance that’s not to your liking. Notice the amount of energy you spend trying to fix, control, or change the situation. What does the struggle rob you of? What does it cost you to hold on to the resistance?

Now ask yourself, “What thought, belief, or expectation would I have to give up to accept this situation exactly as it is?”

The next time you find yourself resisting, holding on, or trying to control the people or situations in your life, breathe deeply and affirm that you needn’t always insist that your perspective and opinions are the only right ones.

Surrender…it’s a beautiful thing!

Allow Life to be fun and easy!