YAY… I’m back from a magnificent trip to France!
It was truly remarkable, not because of the gorgeous setting or the six amazing friends I traveled with. Instead, it was magnificent because of the ME present through it all.
This “ME” I’m speaking of is the Presence of Self Awareness, my, and your True Essence, exactly as GSEL (God/Source/Energy/Love) created you and me! When I Am consciously in The Presence of Awareness, I experience life as the ever-changing field of infinite possibilities. This way, the joy I feel emanates from within the changeless Presence that beholds — is Aware of — all that appears to be changing before, within, and around me.
You see, what I Am, and so are you — Self Awareness — is the essence of our wholeness that intrinsically knows there is nothing outside of me that can add to, nor take away from, how GSEL created me. For this reason, what I Am experiencing is what I am choosing to participate in at any given moment. My choice is always—and only ever—between flowing what I Truly Am or blocking it. I can extend the joy that I Am or stop it with judgment. I can spread the Love that I Am or plug it with fear. Knowing this allows me to be Present and Aware of everything that is happening, not to “get” from it because I Am already Whole, but rather as an opportunity to receive/feel the very essence of exactly what I Am choosing to give/flow to whatever and whoever is before me.
Because I was Present as I packed my suitcase, the morning I left Atlanta, I gave and felt gratitude for what was about to start. I was Present, with Dan, on the drive to the airport since he graciously offered to take me. I felt the very sweetness of the Love I was choosing to flow to him, even though it was clear we were no longer a couple. As I moved through airport security, I was present, extending my joy, even while a lovely man in uniform patted me down. Why? Because I Am Aware that if I remain Present, I can consciously choose the feelings or emotions I prefer by giving what I desire to receive as my lived experience!
I was Present on the ten-hour overnight flight while my seatmate snored. I extended joy for his ability to sleep while I remained wide awake for the entire flight. I was Present in Frankfurt during our layover. I extended gratitude for the opportunity to stretch my healthy legs during what seemed like a 5-mile walk from our arrival gate to our departing one. I was Present, giving, and receiving Love when we landed in France and was met by our magnificent hostess and Soul-Sister, Catherine.
Being Present for the many hours we spent in our van, traveling to and from different towns located up and around mountains, to restaurants, churches, shopping sites, coffee and pastry shops, or the many glorious blue/green lakes we visited, allowed me to feel: Gratitude, Joy, Wonder, Innocence, Play, Laughter, Silence, and Love. When I Am Present with whatever Is before me, my ego-mind must be quiet because I’ve consciously chosen to activate and extend the Essence of my Presence instead of unconsciously allowing ego thoughts to block it.
Sure, there were a few moments, scattered about the trip, when egoic thoughts popped into my awareness to block my extension of joy with a random judgment. However, the beauty of accepting the Truth of What I Am—The Self Awareness—I have the power to consciously decide what it is that I prefer as my felt experience. Why wouldn’t I choose to feel good when I Am Aware that feeling good is my choice? (By the way, only unconscious people choose to feel bad!)
Seriously, becoming aware that all feelings and emotions within me are under my control is the greatest gift I’ve received from doing my inner healing work. I can assure you that becoming Self-Aware has been a long and arduous journey of looking at my reactions, projections, memories/stories, and judgments while questioning their validity. All the while, feeling my pain and heartaches, anger, guilt, and resentments, none of which, I can assure you, was easy. However, it was simple: I needed to feel it to heal it. All of the stored unhealed pain generated by our egoic misperception that Love, joy, peace, happiness, and security comes to us from the outside is what acts as the block to our being Present.
All unhealed pain has us walking around this glorious planet—be it at home or abroad—in a state of self-protection. This means that we meet every experience guarded, which automatically makes us grumpy, causing us to look to that experience to give us something, usually a temporary hit of pleasure, approval, Love, or applause. All of this happens outside of our conscious awareness when we are unconscious of these patterns. In plain speak: we are oblivious that we, deep down, believe we need others, or stuff, to make us feel good! Anything that will numb our unhealed pain.
Because I Am Self Aware of this insane aspect of being a human—because we all do it—I’ve been able to heal my emotional wounds. I can more easily transcend my ego-made reactive behaviors. For this reason, I was well aware that France, my girlfriends, the lakes, mountains, sunsets, food, especially the croissants, the shopping, cute paragliding instructor, the wine, and the cute wine tasting host, along with everything else we experienced on our trip, was NOT responsible for how I feel. How I think is always the result of my being conscious, or not, of the fact that I Am the Presence of Awareness. By the way, if I can become aware of this life-changing Truth, anyone can!
On our return trip, several people reacted in similar ways after hearing that I was headed home from such a magnificent trip: “Oh no, too bad your trip ended.” Or, “Going back to real life is going to suck.” Or, “It’s horrible that the US doesn’t give people the mandatory five weeks of holiday time the French get.” For this reason, upon returning home, I was inspired to make the following post on my personal Facebook wall:
As the Presence of Self Awareness, I can be Present with those that choose to, albeit unconsciously, be “sad” about my return to Atlanta by assuming that being home is somehow not a joyful experience for me. I extended to them to feel it within me, my joy and excitement for my having a home to return to. I was also Present when I felt sadness at seeing Dan at the airport because he offered to pick me up since we are not a couple. Being Present with my sadness allowed me to keep my ego quiet. I imbued my dismay with gratitude for the marvelous eight months we enjoyed as boyfriend and girlfriend. I consciously choose to be what I Am: The present awareness in whatever is unfolding before me—here, in France, and anywhere I go!
The bottom line is that awakening allows us to heal the past, which blocks us from being present to what is always present before us, in every new NOW moment. The unhealed past makes us reactive, protective, and needy because inherent in that energetic block is the fear that others can hurt us.
Once we heal and feel our fullness, the natural thing to do is be what we are—it flows out—and in that instant, we can Feel ourselves as the very essence of Love, Joy, Peace, Gratitude, and Bliss that can then be present, as an example of the only thing that can heal humanity: for each of us to become aware of who we are as GSEL creates us! Healing the past allows us to remember that Love, Joy, and Peace are what we are. Still, it IS what we are here to extend/give to others as an act of acknowledging our innate wholeness.
Go ahead, try it. Let wherever you are, the perfect place to flow your joy. Heck, if for no other reason than because YOU want to feel good!
With Love and eternal gratitude,